Solely, Deeply, Truly

Solely, Deeply, Truly

When a woman chooses to feel, she feels solely, deeply, and truly. Loyalty beyond friend, family, and instinct, she wakes in the morning in adoration of you whom she has chosen to shower with her affections and goes to sleep with you in her prayers and on her mind. She waits by the window sometimes and watches you go and counts the minutes through work, play, or chore until you return to her. A woman’s love goes so deep as to change her mannerisms in subtle as well as obvious ways. The fierceness of her loyalty will make her go against all she believes in in order to keep you in her bosom where she can be free to love and feel you. If the phone rings when she’s at the office and they tell her it is you, know that her love for you will make her drop all papers and memos and cuss out her boss because she knows you need her. Even if it’s just to tell you it will be alright, or tell you it’s not your fault, she will cut off the world for you because in her eyes the world begins and ends with you. Her heart turns stone to all outside invasion because you have set the hearth there and lay claim to the true warmth and ruby fire that burns within her breast. Should you fall by the way side she will stand there on the side with you and watch opportunity pass waiting for you to stand up and be able to walk beside her. Sacrifice of the highest decree is a woman’s love and devotion. It’s visible in the way she stands and looks you in the eye as you feed her lives and choose to believe them because she loves you so deeply. A lover, mother, wife, and friend who believes in you because her heart tells her too, that is a woman in love with you. She will stand on her tip toes to be sure she kisses you on that little spot on the corner of your mouth leaving a secret that only you know and cannot tell. Her imprint is on your skin, on your heart, on your mind. She leaves love imprinted on your very soul and will burn in hellfire just for you. When you are angry or hurt, a laying on of hands becomes a healing that can’t be found in any church or revival. Her whispers become the whispers of angels speaking to uplift you from the darkness of the mortal world and its vices. She becomes an avatar and God Himself speaks through, through her love not only to save your soul but to ease the suffering of hers because she hurts when you do. This feeling is a precious gift that she passes from God’s own grace into your spirit to heal, uplift, and give you the strength of ages and help you overcome. Because when a woman loves you she loves you in all your flawed existence because she knows you are not perfect and cannot be perfect. After all you are made of dust and she is made from you. But…when a woman chooses to feel, she feels solely, deeply, and truly…
They say hell hath no fury like that of a woman scorned. Because nothing in heaven or hell can feel pain like she can when she is hurt. When she is cut deep by infidelity, misplaced trust, or angry words shouted in a meaningless squabble. She loved you with the fire of pure white and in in a singular instant it can be snuffed out by a dirty little secret or a fist that should’ve been aimed at the bathroom tile. She washes her hair after a day alone and her fingers roam her scalp wishing to feel the lovers touch. Her hands ache to touch you in a way that God’s hands ached to brush the sweat and blood from His people’s brow when the whip lash struck. It’s not understood that she would’ve done anything for you and now she would do anything to make you hurt the way she hurts. Self destructive paths through soulful mutilation of losing and gaining weight, meaningless relationships, and nights alone filled with tears heavier than the rain that floated Noah’s arch for forty-days and forty-nights. Head heavy, body aching she looks in the mirror and wonders of it is her fault. Self-esteem cut short by uncertainty because of how you walked out on her. Was she not pretty enough? Did she not do enough? Then comes the anger roaring like a tempest, winds pushing the ocean into the perfect storm because suddenly the mind tells her it’s your fault. She broods embittered by sweet memories of better times and whispers in the dark that now mean nothing because they were lies on lies making her realize she was more foolish than she thought she was. Violent tremors in public places where she sees you with “that bitch” you left her for or on your way to work still laughing and smiling while small worlds of hurt are still carved into the flesh of her heart making it impossible for any other man to heal. She opened the hearth for you and you doused the pure white flame in soot and dirt desecrating that which has been holy since before the Egypt became dust and sand. A woman feels solely, deeply, and truly. When she loves, she unravels at the sound of your name like spools of silk from heaven’s tapestry. But when she hurts, she pulls apart and shatters like glass to a stray bullet meant for the offender and falls out of tune and out of touch from the two part harmony like a love song come on undone. She feels solely, deeply and truly…may you do the same.

~DeJa DeClouet
Blog Editor